Before we get into it, please enjoy this Know It All Joe’s virtual recreation of a real first date from an online dating service.

Let’s face it – internet dating has been here since the dawn of time, only we didn’t have the internet for most of it.   To think that it all probably started out with a few cave drawings and has slowly worked its way to the iPad.  We’ve come so far in terms of evolution over the centuries and have really made great strides in global communication, but yet we still have a very difficult time communicating with one another on a personal level.  There are just so many questions still; so many puzzles to be solved in terms of human nature and personal interaction.  And yet, with all these wondrous mysteries to be explored, there is only one question at the moment that I have a real burning desire to ask…

Is it possible that Cavemen actually used cave drawings to ask Cavewomen out?  Were cave drawings truly the first internet dating site before the internet?  Did Cavepeople draw a profile of themselves on the cave wall?   And if so, did Cavemen’s profile show a cavepic of a club beating their favorite Cavewoman with the implication that “you better go out with me or else?”  And would these be considered the first Cavemen bad boys?  And did that approach actually work with the Cavewomen?  I really kind of want to know. (Okay, that was more than one question.)

At its most basic level, online dating is nothing more than another way for two people to meet.  Simple, right?  Well, no, there’s nothing simple about it.  But it’s not the technology that makes it difficult.  It’s the people that do.  The computer program behind the tech is the easy part.  The psychological program behind the person is the hard part.

Before dating sites kicked in, there were video dating services and phone chat lines.  And both could prove to be very costly.  But once the internet appeared, the chat rooms appeared.  But chat rooms weren’t exclusively meant for dating.  They were meant for… well, chatting.

When dating sites came along, their purpose was more direct.  They got right to the point – “I know why you’re here and you know why I’m here.  Now let’s go see if we’re compatible.”

And that’s the rub and also one of the drawbacks of dating sites.  It’s too precise.  It’s either take it or leave it. There’s no room for maneuverability.  You literally have two minutes to make that connection.  If you don’t wow the other person with a massive amount of chemistry, then it’s over.  Period!  The other person has already moved on even before the date is even over. 

You see, there is no slow burn with online dating.  There’s no time to flirt with the person you’re interested in nor do you have an extended period of time to win that person over.  Even worse, you’re competing with fifty other people in that person’s inbox at home.  What we have here is a case of ‘do or die.’  And don’t think that talking on the phone prior to the date counts for anything.  It’s an introduction and nothing more. The real work needs to be done face to face.

Time and time again, I’ve heard that it’s easier to meet someone on a dating site than in a bar.  That may be true, but the question remains – is it better?  Not that I’m a fan of going to bars for the sole purpose of meeting women, but in a bar, there are no expectations.  Even if a man walks up to a woman and starts flirting, they both still didn’t come there with the exclusive agenda to meet each other personally.  They met off the cuff and are just playfully going with it.  There is no real pressure.  And it just feels more natural.

Now I’m not saying that dating sites don’t work.  And I do find the whole process of online dating to be absolutely fascinating.  From the occasional narcissistic ridiculousness of the online profiles to the actual awkwardness of in-person meetings.  I’ve known a lot of people who have done online dating.  I’ve heard lots of good stories and lots of horror stories.  I myself have even dabbled in it a bit. 

So here’s the thing — there are just too many stories to tell and so many details to discuss that I can’t possibly fit it all into one article.  So I plan on turning this into a somewhat regular feature.  And I would like to end this in the same way in which I began it.  By posing the question… “Does online dating work?”  Let’s dig deeper and find out.